Dis`qui´et`tude

“If I write what I feel, it is to reduce the fever of feeling .What I confess is unimportant, because everything is unimportant”

                                                      -Fernando Pessoa

I am overwhelmed; I am possessed by a feeling. A feeling that is inexplicable. It’s lingering. ..Not willing to wane away. From the very start of the day I joining the tier one institute of India, it sprouted. Self-nurtured and fostered its growing. I wonder how?? , without even getting a skosh caring, how it’s getting stronger??!!

 I was the architecture of my own life, hereafter it will be the same. Decisions-lackadaisical to be best described-thinking to be prudent and judicious was an outcome of arrogance and ego. It never came from composed mind, it was never wise-though sometime the contrary happened out of sheer luck.

I never knew what I wanted, but knew what I dint. And hence once I wrote...” I would like to tender my resignation”. But I was still confused was it the right time??....dichotomies were the hard part always!!!

Then the much touted new life begined…the scorching sun….happiness..fun..dilemmas..predicaments….blues…dreams….responsibilities..Within a blink of eye one year passed..

Second year…a chance to part of something which I yearned for long..happiness..fun…suddenly dichotomy???!!!

But I doubt the veneer of certitude of this dichotomy….because I doubt whether it exist .

Probably the sadistic part is playing to deploy chaos and to increase the entropy..a universal truth..the entropy of universe always increase. But I presume, within oneself, the disquietude augments only if u let it to be..

The thoughts can be vicious and virtuous at the same time…it can be a smooth criminal…don’t let it hit you..

I think I  must sign off …feel like listening smooth criminal by MJ..  ;)